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1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Job interfering with your drinking. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 5. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. 6. The back of your head keeps getting […]

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks. 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Harley riders: “This beer is flat, let’s trash the place.” Goldwing drivers: “This cappuccino is cold. Let’s only tip 10%.” Harley riders: “Live to ride. Ride to Live.” Goldwing drivers: “Eat to ride. Ride to eat.” Harley riders: “Loud pipes save lives. ” Goldwing drivers: “Honey, will you turn down the radio?” Harley riders: Black

Well, it’s shit……..That’s right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language. Consider: You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off

What You Ride….. A little motorcycle based humor to take your mind off the unfriendly riding conditions. Your ride says a lot about you. Here (from an old Cycle World article by Peter Egan, slightly modified by other people) is a guide for selecting a ride consistent with your personality: Ducati 916 SPS monoposto: My

YESTERDAY’S VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying in supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to

PHILLIP RUDDOCK: I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road it should be sent back to where it came from. Who knows what might happen if we keep letting any old chicken cross the road. We could be inundated with them. Send them to the farmer up the road a bit and we can

If you are a George Carlin fan, this will start your morning. 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s

1. Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling and lived! 2. Midnight bugs taste Best. 3. Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need. 4. Wear heavy boots. You can?t kick things when you?re wearing sneakers. 5. NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy __________________________________________________________ OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb

1. CURL UP AND DIE……..I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” – Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX 2. PAD PLEASE………. An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.

A group of girlfriends went on vacation and saw a five-story hotel with a sign that read ?FOR WOMEN ONLY?. Since they were there without their boyfriends, they decided to go in. The doorman, a very attractive man, explained to them how it worked: “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once

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The best form of birth control after 50? Nudity. *************** What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. ************** What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. *************** How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Viagra, The quicker dicker upper Viagra, One-a-day, like iron Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight Viagra, Home of the whopper Viagra, It plumps when you take ’em Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman Viagra, Tastes great, more filling Viagra, Ten inches long … and growing. Viagra,

(Rate your score with the key at end of the quiz) 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: a) lovemaking b) screwing c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared: a) your views

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also

10) He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. She said…You wear briefs, don’t you? 9) She said…What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said… It’s not my fault…I ran out of money. 8)He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve

As bikers, most of us realize we are engaged in an activity that can be inherently dangerous. Haulin’ the mail down the freeway at 100 mph + with no more than a few inches between you and the pavement can often times leave you in need of healthcare. Now, good health care will cost you

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

When the white man found this land, Indians were running it. No Taxes… No Debt… Plenty Buffalo… Plenty beaver! Women did most of the work. The Medicine Man was free! Indian men hunted and fished all the time! And the white man was dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.

Let’s see if I understand how America works lately… If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked. If you smoke three packs a day