General Posts

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me. 4. I don’t do drugs. I […]

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: (Also known as one-size-fits-none wrench) Used to strip bolt heads. Also functions as impromptu hammer (see Hammer). HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object you are trying to hit. MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used

Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles. Motorcycles’ curves never sag. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don’t get pregnant. You can ride a Motorcycle at any time of the month. Motorcycles don’t have parents. Motorcycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong. You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up. You can share

21. HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda 20. MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno 19. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver 18. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Rich Gannon 17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton 16. MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden 15.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. A snail can sleep for three years. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. February 1865 is the only month

Midnight bugs taste best. Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need. NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench. Never try to race an old geezer, he may have one more gear than you. Home is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. Coca-Cola was originally green. It is impossible to lick your elbow. The state

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line…. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, cause I was pissed. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind

Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men. Women’s restroom Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand’s

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it. Why is air a lot like sex? Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

1. “Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.” — Paul Rodriguez 2. “A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit” – Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance. 3. “Aim towards the Enemy” –

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Job interfering with your drinking. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 5. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. 6. The back of your head keeps getting

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks. 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Harley riders: “This beer is flat, let’s trash the place.” Goldwing drivers: “This cappuccino is cold. Let’s only tip 10%.” Harley riders: “Live to ride. Ride to Live.” Goldwing drivers: “Eat to ride. Ride to eat.” Harley riders: “Loud pipes save lives. ” Goldwing drivers: “Honey, will you turn down the radio?” Harley riders: Black

Well, it’s shit……..That’s right, shit! Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language. Consider: You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off

What You Ride….. A little motorcycle based humor to take your mind off the unfriendly riding conditions. Your ride says a lot about you. Here (from an old Cycle World article by Peter Egan, slightly modified by other people) is a guide for selecting a ride consistent with your personality: Ducati 916 SPS monoposto: My

YESTERDAY’S VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying in supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to

PHILLIP RUDDOCK: I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road it should be sent back to where it came from. Who knows what might happen if we keep letting any old chicken cross the road. We could be inundated with them. Send them to the farmer up the road a bit and we can

If you are a George Carlin fan, this will start your morning. 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s

1. Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling and lived! 2. Midnight bugs taste Best. 3. Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need. 4. Wear heavy boots. You can?t kick things when you?re wearing sneakers. 5. NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy __________________________________________________________ OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb

1. CURL UP AND DIE……..I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” – Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX 2. PAD PLEASE………. An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.