I’m trippin’ today. Too many pancakes backin’ up the Jack Daniels from last night. The sugar high is buzzin’ my teeth. What a nuts day yesterday was. The Amazing Shrunken FXR is about ready for paint and chrome tear-down. The Beach Ride Bike rolled into the headquarters yesterday with a broken shock bolt. I thought I was screwed. No way to reach the bolt, then suddenly it came loose, we replaced it and sent him on his way.
The Iron Cross shows up everywhere–from RFR.
I just sat down to shotgun the Sunday Terror Report when the phone rang. “Let’s Ride,” Phil Ross coughed over the phone. He’s the mastermind behind SuperMax Belt drives.
I spat back, “I’ll be ready.” He hung up. We better jump the news:
CHROME CAPT AMERICA FRAME
PAUGHCO has just announced they are offering a limited number of Captain America reproduction rigid chopper frames. Designed around their Year 2000 Rigid Wishbone frame. These CAPT. AMERICA chassis mate nostalgic `69 styling with the latest in materials and manufacturing technology. Each frame is totally polished, trimmed and fit with neck plates prior to welding.
The complete chassis is then 100% chrome plated at PAUGHCO’S state-of -the-art plating facility. Additional features include OEM style neck with 37- degrees of rake, 3-inch stretch in front legs, footpeg tabs and optional OEM style axle plates.
CAPT. AMERICA frames are designed for use with Softail 5-speed and rear belt drive components. When used with PAUGHCO’S billet 6-degree triple trees the chassis provides a power steering like feel with no front end flop. For complete details call 775-246-5738 or catch them on the web at www.paughco.com.
Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Worked On Your Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Bubba”.
4. There’s a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There’s a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is…
1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.
–from Rev CarlR
–from Rev CarlR
Basic Bob’s Poem
A friend of mine “Basic Bob”, who recently crashed his bike, sent me this poem written by his nephew, Steve Stevens and I thought it was pretty good so I’m forwarding it to a few friends.
–Gene Koch
A Rhyme from My Nephew, Steve Stevens
The more I think about it, I sure am glad we’re Stevens’. A crash like that would’a kilt a ordinary person.
This is for you…………………..
Now what if I had never felt the wind blow in my hair.
Just think of all the broken bones and bruises I’d been spared.
And think of all the money spent to get myself repaired,
I’d still have if I hadn’t felt the wind blow in my hair.
But think of all the people that I never would have met,
The places of God’s beauty that I never will forget,
The memories I treasure of the friendships rich and rare,
if long ago I had not felt the wind blow in my hair.
So some folks think I’m crazy and you know they may be right,
but dreams of things I didn’t do don’t haunt me in the night.
Imagine roads you’ve never seen and guess what, I’ve been there
I pity those who never felt the wind blow in their hair.
Yeah it’s mine, and original too. Just like my Unca Bob.
— Steve
Christmas Book Offer, Goddamnit
Some who receive this message have purchased and read my biker fiction novel; “Shovelhead Red; The Drifter’s Way”. You know it is a very entertaining story . Sure, you’ve had your fun! Yukked it up at Red’s adventures, and had a great time! But what about your friends on your gift list? THEY don’t know what they’re missing! How fair is that?
THEY’RE out there, wandering around ignorant, un-initiated. Lost in the darkness, unlearned, unable to discuss Red and his story with fellow readers, or to reflect on his message during private moments of quiet, introspective, meditation. And YOU’RE just letting it happen! It’s sad really.
I know, it’s hard to face, and I don’t wanna come off as ungrateful, but those of you who HAVE bought my book; (while you know how much I appreciate your helping out)are part of the problem when you of all peeplz should be part of the solution.
But, it’s the Holiday season. Uncle Roy ain’t about takin’ ya’ll to task over your mistakes. You KNOW you need presents, and you KNOW Holiday shoppin’ sucks! Hey, I’m tryin’ ta help!
A few numbered copies of the first issue are still available, and what a great gift they make don’t they. Think about it; you can laugh at the losers crowding the malls like fucking sheep-brained lemmings. Dumpin’ they dinero where most of what they selllin’ is shit, and OVER-PRICED shit at that.
NOT so with Shovelhead Red! He never disappoints, and YOU know it! Fudder-more, YOU don’t even have to un-ass th’ couch to make Red a part of your special friend’s life, and bring him or her into the light. You HERO you! (Picture me snifflin’, with a tear runnin’ down muh grizzled cheek) Movin’ ain’t it?
Do it today! Put Uncle Roy’s lazy ass to work sendin’ HIS book to YOUR friends, hassle free to you. Just click in the Bikernet Gulch in the Book section at the bottom of every goddamn page. Include your name if appropriate, or the lucky friend’s name, and a shipping addy. I’ll take it from there, and you can kick back grinnin’, feelin’ smug as a mo-fo, pattin yerself on the back, as you realize personal history, and your friends opinions be dammed, YOU’RE actually VERY intelligent.
Hey, they’ll notice yer spendin’ more of YOUR valuable holiday time drinkin’ beer, and hangin’ with yer bros, and sisters, whichever be appropo. While THEY look like ass-holes what buys lame-ass Chrismus presents. That oughtta be a clue.
Rigid Frame Connection
If you ride rigid frames you do! I came upon this on the Fog Hollow web site. Custom made in about 30 days, they also have skeleton hand mirrors. Don’t know who they are but there is an 800 number to order from.
–RFR
Long Time Hells Angel Downed
A 52-year-old Corcoran man once considered the godfather of the Minnesota Hell’s Angels has begun a 17 1/2 year prison sentence for money laundering and conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine.
Patrick J. Matter hugged family members goodbye before he was taken out of a federal courtroom and into custody Tuesday.
Gang investigators are pleased that they had brought down the longtime chapter president and many of his colleagues, but that enthusiasm is tempered with concern about which other motorcycle clubs might try to expand in the weakened chapter’s place.
“Hell’s Angels were top dogs in Minnesota,” said Andy Shoemaker, a biker-gang expert with the state’s Gang Strike Force. “There will definitely be some other gangs that look at this as an opportunity to expand their territories.”
Chief U.S. District Judge James Rosenbaum handed down the sentence, which includes extra time for leading and organizing criminal activity involving five or more people. Matter also gave up nearly $600,000 in cash as part of his conviction.
Since the beginning of the seven-year investigation, the chapter has shrunk from 18 active members to nine who are not incarcerated, officials said. Federal officials have filed forfeiture papers on the club’s north Minneapolis club house. The investigation was handled by an interagency task force that included the Hennepin County Sheriff’s Office, the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension and the U.S. Internal Revenue Service.
A total of 28 people, including some California drug suppliers and runners associated with the club, were convicted of drug-related and other crimes and were sentenced to an average of more than six years each, Paulsen said.
Michael T. Eason, 54, of Zimmerman, Minn., also was sentenced Tuesday to four years in prison and was ordered to pay $57,000 in restitution for conspiring to distribute methamphetamine and fraudulently obtaining Social Security disability benefits while working at Matter’s Minneapolis Custom Cycle shop. The U.S. attorney’s office said Matter conspired with Eason to distribute the drug.
Paulsen said Matter is the highest-level motorcycle club member convicted in Minnesota. Authorities will be watching to see whether other clubs — such as the Outlaws, which has Wisconsin chapters, or the Sons of Silence, which meets in outstate Minnesota move into the Twin Cities.
Matter, who lived in Corcoran, “acted like a legitimate entrepreneur,” once testifying at the Legislature for a bill that would make it easier for people to get forfeited vehicles back from police, said Gang Strike Force Cmdr. Ron Ryan. The bill was withdrawn after the sponsor was informed that Matter was a known gang member, Ryan said.
“Matter was like the godfather,” Ryan said.
–Rogue
Wino Joe Never Made It To Milwaukee
Tryin’ta finger this stuff out. Nevada Road Trip/didn’t make Milwaukee:)
–WJUSA
Cuties from Jack’s In Austin, Texas, shot by RFR.
Bikernet Marketing Class
You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed,”…. That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed,”…. That’s Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed,” That’s Telemarketing.
You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”…. That’s Public Relations.
You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, I hear you’re fantastic in bed,”…. That’s Brand Recognition.
You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend…. That’s a Sales Rep.
Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you…. That’s Tech Support.
You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!” …..That’s Junk Mail.
The True-Track Lives Happy Holidays. Attached is the new version of TRUE-TRACK suspension stablization device for baggers. Redesigned for the mind, that is the standoffs are now connected. Some people were under the impression the base cage was a plate with five tubes and therefore weak(actually machined from an 11 pound billet and one piece). Not true, tested in that configuration at 1,100 lbs.The new configuration gives piece of mind in the apperance of strength yet it still anchors the swing arm pivot for TRUETRACKING.
Thanks for your continued support. I’ve received a lot of inquiries from Bikernet enthusiast as well as at least a buyer a week for TRUE-TRACK!
RIDE SAFE
–Wil
tracktrue@netscape.net
Indian Has Recalled the 2001-2003 Scout and Spirit
(SafetyAlerts) – The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has released the following information.
Component: STRUCTURE
Potential Number Of Units Affected : 6570
ON CERTAIN MOTORCYCLES, THE WELD ATTACHING THE FENDER MOUNT TO THE FRONT FORK MAY CRACK AND BREAK.
Consequence: THIS COULD CAUSE THE FENDER MOUNT TO FAIL RESULTING IN THE FENDER COMING INTO CONTACT WITH THE WHEEL, RESULTING IN THE RIDER TO LOSE CONTROL OF THE MOTORCYCLE, INCREASING THE RISK OF A CRASH.
Remedy: DEALERS WILL BOLT A BRACKET ONTO EACH FRONT FORK. THIS BRACKET WILL HOLD THE FENDER MOUNT IN PLACE EVEN IF THE WELD FAILS. OWNER NOTIFICATION IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN DURING AUGUST 2003. OWNERS SHOULD CONTACT INDIAN AT 1-888-899-2997.
Notes: CUSTOMERS CAN ALSO CONTACT THE NATIONAL HIGHWAY TRAFFIC SAFETY ADMINISTRATIONS AUTO SAFETY HOTLINE AT 1-888-DASH-2-DOT (1-888-327-4236).
BIKERNET GULCH “ORWELL” CHRISTMAS OFFER–With only 25-days left till Christmas, we decided to make it easy on gift giving for you. We?ve knocked $4 bucks off the price of Orwell when you buy a minimum of five books. That?s right, for $55 dollars, shipping included; you?ll have gifts for five of your best buddies. Make it easy on yourself and buy the damn books!
That’s It–Short and sweet. Don’t mention sweet, my teeth are still floating. I need to hit the garage and free the Panhead for a ride along the coast.
Here’s another Austin, Texas bike show by RFR at Jack’s night spot. I wish this joint was down the street. I’d be a regular. Well, the damn holidays are all over us. Don’t stress, just take it slow, avoid malls and snow and drink warm rum drinks.
I’ll see ya next week in the news. Then I’m riding to Mexico, buying 10 cent gadgets for all my Christmas presents and smuggling them back across the border. I’ll let you know how the run goes.
–Bandit
