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Sarge’s Disclamer – “Don’t Shoot The Messenger, This Was How It Was Told To Me!” ——————————————- How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ——————————————- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who […]

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here! 2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let’s go fuck. 3. Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be. 4. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just

Keywords and their meanings: “Fine”: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. “Five minutes”: This is half an

This one’s for the ladies…. 1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are. 2. You’ve just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room. 3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone’s ass. 4. In your last trip to “pee” you realize you now look

For the male biker who was lucky enough to land himself a lady, domestic bliss can many times be, well, less than blissfull. Everyday male activities such as rebuilding your knucklehead in the bedroom, drinking beer during sex, and pissing all over the toilet seat can often times cause a bit of verbal strife between

Like most bikers, I appreciate the art of dance. And there is little in the world of formal art, including Picasso’s Cubism, which can compare to the rare spectacle of an 18-year old farm girl named “Phoenix”, hopped up with a set of twin jugs the size of stretched fatbobs, flinging herself at a gold-plated

There comes a time when every biker pulls over to soak up the warm sunshine, smoke a long hooter, take a dump on the side of the road and feel the golden oak leaves as they gently caress his backside. It is during times like these that a little poetry will go a long ways.

With Bikernet?s recent forays into the world of Hollywood motion pictures, a lot of our gentle readers have been asking how the glamour and glitz and big money of show business have affected the staff at Bikernet. Below are some of the most frequently asked questions and answers, intended to put or readers at ease

Lawyers These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th.

Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter [imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that’s taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy!] Miners Refuse!

If your scooter has more miles rolling to the bike shop to get chrome than to the local tavern to get a beer, you just might NOT be a biker. If you won’t drink a beer unless it has a lime in it, you just might NOT be a biker. If you think the term

Dogs don’t cry (unless they have to pee). Dogs love it when your friends come over. Dogs don’t care if you use their shampoo. Dogs think you sing great. A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. Dogs don’t expect you to call when you are running late. The later you

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me. 4. I don’t do drugs. I

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: (Also known as one-size-fits-none wrench) Used to strip bolt heads. Also functions as impromptu hammer (see Hammer). HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object you are trying to hit. MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used

Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles. Motorcycles’ curves never sag. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don’t get pregnant. You can ride a Motorcycle at any time of the month. Motorcycles don’t have parents. Motorcycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong. You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up. You can share

21. HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda 20. MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno 19. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver 18. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Rich Gannon 17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton 16. MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden 15.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. A snail can sleep for three years. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age. Butterflies taste with their feet. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10. February 1865 is the only month

Midnight bugs taste best. Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need. NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench. Never try to race an old geezer, he may have one more gear than you. Home is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. Coca-Cola was originally green. It is impossible to lick your elbow. The state

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line…. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, cause I was pissed. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind

Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men. Women’s restroom Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand’s

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it. Why is air a lot like sex? Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.

1. “Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.” — Paul Rodriguez 2. “A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit” – Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance. 3. “Aim towards the Enemy” –