Cantina

Classic Carlin

If you are a George Carlin fan, this will start your morning. 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s

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A Lesson In Mathematics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy __________________________________________________________ OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb

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What Women Want….

A group of girlfriends went on vacation and saw a five-story hotel with a sign that read ?FOR WOMEN ONLY?. Since they were there without their boyfriends, they decided to go in. The doorman, a very attractive man, explained to them how it worked: “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once

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Oldies But Goodies

The best form of birth control after 50? Nudity. *************** What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. ************** What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. *************** How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

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The Ultimate Guy Quiz

(Rate your score with the key at end of the quiz) 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: a) lovemaking b) screwing c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared: a) your views

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Common Sense Q&A

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also

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He Said – She Said

10) He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. She said…You wear briefs, don’t you? 9) She said…What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said… It’s not my fault…I ran out of money. 8)He said… Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve

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Why Men Rule The World

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

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How America Works Lately

Let’s see if I understand how America works lately… If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she was holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills himself, you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked. If you smoke three packs a day

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The Ponderous Boozer

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I

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Be Careful When You Drink….

Due to product liability litigation as a result from recent events that occurred during “Bike Week” in Daytona Beach FL, the American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers: WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

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Basic Diction

I was in one of my favorite scooter shops the other day when in walked one of the largest rookies I’ve ever seen. Imagine a 300-pound Cliff Claven type wanting to find his balls and straddle a piece of good ole American iron. He informed the salesman that he’d never ridden a motorcycle before, and

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Car People Recipes

So often I see a Car Person cut a biker off in traffic and after the biker beats the Car Person to death with a wrench, the bro drives away, leaving a perfectly good kill to go to waste. Now, I’m not one to advocate sparing Car People for any reason, in fact, I support

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New Year Resolutions 2001

With each new year comes new opportunity. We’re all one year closer to those much-anticipated statues of limitations. We’re all one year older, which is a feat in itself. The new year is a time to make resolutions, which will lead to greater happiness, longer front forks, bigger jugs and faster rides. Below are a

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