Harvard Study Relates Tide pod Generation As Akin To Rebel Motorcyclists Era
In a study that interviewed Tide pod eaters and their parents, friends and teachers, it has been concluded by the researchers that these are normal growing up angst from teenagers. Citing sources familiar to teenagers who consume Tide pods, the research found the teens had no eating disorder or weren’t otherwise social misfits in any sense or mannerism.
“Generations define their own mode of rebellious streak for freedom” said Dr. Do Chang, “some of us collected pet rocks or cabbage patch kids–others played dungeons and dragons. Now, the current generation film themselves eating Tide pods…it’s what teens do!”
Further elaborating on the success ratio of these cool kids in class and profession–the study tracked these teens through to college and beyond. They found that even those who dropped out of high school or college were having cool gigs and were known to hold employable skills.
“One of ’em dropped out of college and we thought, maybe Tide pods are not really consumed by the intelligent, cool crop of students. But, it turned out–he launched a successful website where users submit photos of dogs eating poop. It’s the biggest sensation on the net since Zuckerberg introduced “Facemash” at Harvard in 2003 which was essentially a ‘Hot or Not’ style website.”
“Oh yeah, we wanna pitch it to Meta Inc for sure,” said Boney, the founder of DogFoo.com website. “Zuckerberg is an inspiration. He might pay me as much as he paid for WhatsApp! And people love dogs more than Asian phishing messages anyways.”
Why Tide pods–why not eat broccoli or a Nike Air shoe live on OTT? We asked these poignant questions to the researchers who had already considered these and more such as, “Eating Roosevelt–or more specifically, swallowing him–the dime–the one cent coin.” Dr Do Chang confirmed that it would have been cool if kids considered such things on camera for Insta Reels too. “We researched levels of cool, hip, groovy and square, including its variations since 1950s till year 2020–when COVID-19 era made everything and everyone look ‘square’ and ‘chicken'”.
Dr Do Chang suggests, “Every generation desires freedom–just as a new born baby desires to crawl out of the cradle or shite anywhere except in the potty. Rebelling is essential to Freedom of Expression and to Experiencing Freedom itself.”
So as some generations rode motorcycles, others sang folk songs to harass politicians and radio listeners, whereas some other generations would go on to wearing bellbottoms to differentiate themselves from the society that restricted and regulated their lives since their very birth. Who wouldn’t cast off such a yoke of systemic oppression?
If you have a child who eats Tide pods, be open to his or her lifestyle choices. Maybe, he is trying to tell you something–something that needs a clean and fresh mind to comprehend. So sit with them and share a reel, and let them have their little joys called “Tide pods”.
—Wayfarer
Resident Parody Researcher
Bikernet.com
