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or “If we’re all wrong about what oil is…..maybe we’re all wrong about what oil does.”

By J.J. Solari with images from the Bob T. Collection

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How did fossils become fuels? This is a question that will never be answered. Because fossils never became fuels. So therefore, there is no reason to assume that the amount of oil in existence is limited to the body-count of the dinosaur population. It could be that there is just oil. And apparently a lot of it.

Now, even if you say that, that there is no such thing as a fossil fuel, no one believes it. Even if you prove it, no one will believe it. For modern man, coming to grips with the reality and fact that fossils never become fuels is more than the sanity of modern man can withstand.

The next hardest thing for modern man to believe would be that there is actually no other “intelligent” life in the universe. (I will define intelligence in this context as “a cooperative effort between at least two ‘people’ towards technological advancement via machines.”)

Based on the evidence - for which there is none - this is still a sane assumption. Unlike the fossil fuel thing. Which is an INsane assertion. Not an assumption at all. Of course, one can always speculate. Speculation often leads to a search for evidence. So, speculation is good. It’s healthy. It’s constructive. So, there is no actual reason to conclude that there is any other intelligent material, verifiable, life in the entire universe other than earthly humans. But it is possible. Unlike the existence of fossil fuels. Which is impossible. No amount of speculation can justify the conclusion that oil comes from fossils. And yet it’s fossil fuel. Even though fossil fuel of ANY kind is impossible.

This is all going somewhere and where it’s going is to show you that morons are guiding your life.

Stating that there is no such thing as fossil fuel gets even more emotional resistance than stating there is only earth-based intelligent life in the universe. Even though even EYE can present the case that there actually is no such thing as fossil fuel. And I’m on on Bikernet. Hey, I hear ya: that means I have NO credentials. True. But I do have a fucking brain. I know what you’re saying, “That’s impossible, you’re on Bikernet.”

Are you done? Have your fun and let’s move on. Jesus.

So, how can this be, that the statement that there is no other intelligent life in the universe utterance is speculative; and the statement that there’s no such thing as a fossil fuel - which is idiotic - both garner the same amount of emotional resistance; when one is speculative; and the other is out and out stupid. They both meet equal resistance. How can this be.

Well, one possibility is that the intelligent species on earth have a lot of really stupid, airheaded members in it.

And this is the one I’m going with.

You’ll notice no one ever explains the process by which a dead giant lizard or pre-bird or whatever dinosaurs were….become oil, coal, or methane. Even if asked. Which no one ever does. But I’ll ask it now! How does that happen? Well, If I was asking this of myself and if I was stupid I would say “Well, they sunk down at death.” Why this would happen in an allegedly lush swampy environment filled with predators and bugs and environmental decay is hard to explain.

Most things that die on this planet get eaten. They don’t sink. Not to mention that dead dinosaurs were turned into dung. Via something else eating away at their carcasses. Thus, making oil into shit-fuel. Not fossil fuel. Well, we do have shit fuel, that’s a fact, but it becomes fire. If you set fire to it. It doesn’t become petroleum or coal or methane. A dead dinosaur can methane the environment, but via a fart. But farts do not sink. Maybe farts did back in the past. Like, ya know, the sinking dinosaurs did. But that would be..….what would be the word. Oh, yeah: stupid. Dinosaur farts take to the air. They don’t burrow into the ground. Unlike, apparently, dinosaur bodies.

And apparently the dead dinosaurs fell in groups. Not individually. Which is why you don’t find quart-sized amounts of oil in an oilwell containing just one dinosaur. Which means the dinosaurs descended into the earth in herds. So that the oil could collect into billion-gallon vacant spaces beneath the earth. All over the earth.

And under the sea: where the dinosaur fish sank after death. Endless dying and sinking in great piles of dead bodies all falling onto terrain and then burrowing out of the sheer weight of the bodies down into the caverns below and dripping their petroleum essence into the caverns and filling them up, the sinking going down thousands of feet perhaps to the center of the earth where the most vast amounts of dead dinosaurs now lie, in an oil-cored planet earth.

Then there’s the coal issue. Coal does not come from dinosaurs, no, coal comes from prehistoric forests and swamps and steamy globe-circling hot sweaty science-fiction-level lost worlds of ichor, snakes and flying reptilian bats the size of Piper Cubs.

These forests also sank but not in a solitary gradual descent like the bodies of diseased dinosaurs, but rather flattened and then reflattened by the next - I guess - layer of murk and swamp and sweat and insects, which then died and then the new replacement covering grew on top of that and this went on and on with all the layers flattening on top of each other and then turning to coal. Not marshmallows. Not porridge. Coal.

Primordial forests apparently didn’t just exist with isolated variations in age wherein this tree dies, next year that tree dies, those trees get knocked down by a dinosaur fight with King Kong and they die, with the overall forest and swamp just staying put. No, everything dies: lays down; new stuff grows; that all dies; new stuff grows, that dies, and all this layering happens pushing eons and eons of layered dead swamps farther and tighter together and they become coal.

If you were to ever take an actual fossil, drain your gas tank and put the fossil into it, say a stegosaurus thigh bone, close up the tank and turn the starter motor, that engine would never kick over. Because an actual fossil in your gas tank…..would have to be in a fossil tank, not a gas tank, to have any hope of having the car start. But there are no fossil tanks. Because oil does not come from fossils. It comes from itself. Like gold does. Like granite does. Like water does. Like mercury does. Like sulphur does. Oil’s like that. It’s just fucking there. So, you put your gas, which comes from oil, not fossils, into a gas tank. Not a fossil tank. So that you can start your engine. And it works!

Now you might ask, “Then why is it called fossil fuel?” I don’t know. Who cares. Here’s the point: if bureaucrats and journalists don’t know what oil actually IS and think it comes from sinking fucking lizards……how do they know its use IS AFFECTING THE FUCKING WEATHER? SO THAT YOU NEED TO STOP DRIVING??? TO SAVE THE PLANET??

The answer is they don’t. They’re just fucking with you. Because it’s easy and fun. And in a sense, who could blame ‘em? After all, you think there’s fossil fuel. So, you might believe anything. Even Gavin Newsom. Or Klaus Schwab. Or Greta Thunberg. Or John Kerry. Or Nancy Pelosi. Or Kamala Harris. Or Chuck Schumer. Or the CDC. Or, god help us, A. O. fucking C.

--J.J. Solari

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