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What we know for certain about COVID-19 so far

Covid-19 started in a bat and also in a clandestine biological warfare lab in China run by The Weekly World News and MI-6

By J.J. Solari, with photos collected by Barry Green

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1: The pandemic reached immediate-global-emergency-level one day after the impeachment effort was killed in the Senate. Suggesting Donald Trump's Presidency is the actual cause of the virus. His orange skin dye may have been the incubating agent.

2: Covid-19 started in a bat and also in a clandestine biological warfare lab in China run by The Weekly World News and MI-6 and also in a "wet-market" which is journalese horror-vocabulary for butcher shop, and also in a Vietnamese dog-eating contest vomitorium and from a leaky freezer used by Dracula for unspecified purposes.

3: Covid-19 is so deadly that the only way to fight it successfully until the time comes that we can fight it more successfully is by lowering the body count of deceased victims, which now is everyone's responsibility.

4: The only way to lower the body count of the deceased via our own efforts applied by every living human on earth..... is to slow - not stop - the "spread." Slowing the spread is universally agreed-to by national overseers and regional commandants such as Justin Trudeau, Gavin Newsom, Barbara Ferrar, Facelift Fauci, Perry Cuomo, Eric Garcetti, Greta Thunberg and everyone with a Screen Actors Guild card as being the only way to keep people safe via the never-before-applied method of white and blue Chinese facemasks universally acknowledged by microbiologists as having no barrier-effect upon the ten billion varieties of corona viruses in global existence for the past 3 billion years of life on earth. This uncertainty has been verified as a certain uncertainty by the CDC and the World Health Organization and by the 300 daily new health advisory boards and health advisory personnel being increasingly-recruited by government officials to enthusiastically take the hit for government officials' arbitrary and usually-ruinous if not Actual Enemy Attacks..... edicts.

5: Staying 6 feet away from every other human being will maximize your chances of not getting covid-19 based on no evidence from any source known to the scientific community or to any other community up to and including the Wiccan community, the Masons, the Mau-Mau, the Illuminati and the Chemtrail and Lizard-People Underground and invisa-entities currently on the earth at this moment.

6: Getting covid-19 but not actually getting sick with the flu makes you a threat. Not getting covid-19 and not actually getting the flu also makes you a threat.

7: If you are a proven threat which is determined by you "getting tested" and declared to have covid-19 viruses and/or antibodies in you...... this renders you "quarantinable." Even if you are not sick.

8: All people are a threat to all other people if you have covid-19 and if you don't have covid-19.

9: Lowering the body-count of the covid dead is everyone's responsibility because we are all in this together.


10: We are all in this together because that is what "we are all in this together" means. We cannot all be in this together unless we are all in this together. This is simple science.

11: A 25-cent facemask proven to have no effect on the spread or halt of c-19 viruses is ordered to be mandatory, to be enforced by all retail and commercial entities upon their customers under threat of loss of business license in an effort to "slow the spread." In the event the customer does not have the universal ubiquitous Wall Street Stock-exploding-upward useless facemask, anything that prevents a clear determination of the identifying elements of the individual's countenance is valid and deemed effective in impeding the travel beyond the covering either into the mouth or out of it of the corona-19 viral entity.

12: Slowing the spread is necessary in order to slow the spread.


13: Children being immune to covid-19 because it is Designed-By-Nature to kill the elderly and those very compromised-resistancewise individuals..... are declared responsible for the health of their grandparents and the grandparents of their friends and the health of all adults. Children are now responsible for grownups. Because of covid-19.

14: Grandparents must never be with their grandchildren until further notice inasmuch as children are a natural threat to the elderly. This is not arbitrary cruelty upon the unaborted as has been suggested by Christian groups. This is science.

15: Slowing the spread is vital in the effort to slow the spread.


16: Slowing the spread is vital for many other reasons beyond just slowing the spread, reasons that will never be stated or listed or iterated or made known ever: beyond repeating that slowing the spread is vital to a slowing of the spread for the purpose of slowing the spread to a slowed degree of impeded progress, or spread, by a length or time or factor or unit of measurement never actually determined, communicated, or even guessed-at in the interests of getting the word out there as soon as possible to achieve an even faster and more dynamic and frenetic slowing of the spread.

17: Getting a vaccine into your bloodstream that has no recorded evidence of being a c-19 preventative is vital to the necessity of getting vaccinated.

18: Getting vaccinated against c-19 involves getting vaccinated twice with a long waiting period in between during which you must maintain a six foot spacial barrier between you and every other human and wear a facemask in order to slow the spread while you are establishing scientific immunity via a serum-concoction that has never actually been subjected to scientific experiment and analysis.


19: Completing the full vaccination "protocol" and showing no evidence of c-19 or antibodies to c-19 in your system does not mean the facemask and distancing edicts are dissolved or rendered inoperative in any way.

20: There is no set time established or condition arrived at which will result in the elimination of the facemask and distancing and travel and gatherings, etc. spread-slowing efforts.

21: Since a new flu strain appears every fall this entire process will have to be repeated for the immediate and far-reaching future until further notice or until Armageddon, whichever comes first.


22: Brave combat soldiers on the front lines of the war against the attack of c-19 who have shown astounding bravery in the face of the terrible onslaught of the c-19 strain of the annual cold and flu season and who have braved the flame and bullets and bombs of the war against the virus c-19 by charging into the fray of the front lines of the war taking place on the front lines of battle against c-19 and risking life and limb in the process on the front lines of the conflagration and desolation with no thought or concern for their own safety in magnanimous comradeship to their fellow comrades but who are balking at getting the untested and untried but Declared Safe mandatory flu vaccine series....will be disciplined with consequences currently under discussion by health experts, up to but not limited to, termination and/or penal slavery to various government entities in accordance with the stipulations and provisions laid out in the 13th Amendment to the Constitution. Re-education protocols are already being instituted to convince the brave front line veterans of the war against Covid that their unwavering willingness to daily go up against the most heinous and devastating disease plague virus contagion in the universe that has no cure......but are screaming bloody murder about getting the vaccine for confusing to the people the authorities are trying to keep in facemasks and locked inside their houses. Thus necessitating the new getting-of-the-minds-right implementations for our brave and valiant front line fighters.

23: While common understanding acknowledges that c-19 can in fact and is in fact transmitted to the human race from animals, facemasking your cats and dogs and other pets and keeping 6 feet away from them is not under any circumstances being considered as necessary to help slow the spread. Even though your pets can contaminate you with c-19. Health experts have decided that trying to keep facemasks on animals would be impossible due to violent dissent, ferocity-fueled rebellion, and dangerous counter measures the animals would take against this kind of universal muzzling via claws and teeth etc. Unlike the responses given by human mask-wearers who so far have shown no resistance or countermeasures against the stay-safe protocols involving universal masking on a global basis.

24: A masked person 6 feet away from you and placing an item down for you to come over and pick up after he steps back will not spread the flu virus. Because we have determined this via determinants.


25: While covid-19 is a flu virus it is also not a flu virus. It is something horrifically worse but with no actual slot in the medical or viralogical body of knowledge as yet. While its symptoms are utterly and totally identical to cold and flu it is not cold and flu. It is Covid-19: an uncategorized flu-imitating non flu that looks, walks, paddles and quacks like a duck....but is not a duck. It is Covid-19.

26: Health advisors - two words which appear in no Federal or State constitution or city charter or county administrational blueprint - will now be the willing, happy and pleasantly-bemused scapegoats for any surges of tyranny governors or mayors or county supervisors are inspired to proclaim under the guise of "keeping everyone safe" for the duration of the pandemic of the annual cold and flu season until such time as it is determined by no one in particular that the c-19 virus no longer exists in any form and under any circumstances on Planet Earth for a measured period of time which must persist for a to-be-determined extent.

27: Having contracted c-19 and having experienced symptoms of c-19 which are identical to flu symptoms except for those symptoms which include rotting of skin tissue, rotting of organ tissue, gangrenous episodes inside or outside the body, bursting into flames and or exploding, blood boiling into red steam and rising from the skin which could, perhaps, might, reportedly, sources say, does actually could maybe happen.....does not mean that you are "safe"..... which is what we all want everyone to be. You could catch c-19 more than once. Antibodies to c-19 do not prevent you from getting c-19. There is no actual way to not get c-19.


28: Quarantining people who are not sick with the flu and who have not tested positive to c-19 and who are feeling "fine" or "ok"  is necessary in case they have antibodies to c-19 which can be a threat to others. While this is a complete reversal of the quarantine principle, taking it from practical and sensible and logical behavior to what is called insane behavior, it is believed necessary in order to keep everyone safe. While it is argued by the minority that insane safety-protocols will not result in "safety" the majority apparently doesn't think so or else they would have said so which is clearly not the case. Just go outside and take a look.

29: "Health advisors," was not actually known to be an actual job-slot until March 2020 AD, and seeming to possess common bloodlines due to instances of shared homeliness if not actual physical repugnance, have appeared at this fortunate moment of human history to bring knowledge and guidance to the Nation's many many autocrats who must daily come to grips with the decision to be partially tyrannical or full-on balls-out Caligual/Nero/Hitler/ Vlad The Impaler Josef Stalin Mao Tse Tung Pol Pot Che Guevara-level sociopath. Were it not for the selfless in-front-of-the-camera health advisors, most of whom look like people from 14th century European insane asylums, bureaucrats would have no one but themselves to blame for their own arbitrary unfounded illogical willynilly what-the-fuck edicts.


30: The "virus" is causing all of the edicts being pronounced-under-threat by government. Not the government. The pandemic is making you wear a mask and becoming poverty stricken and isolated and devoid of grandchildren and grandparents and devoid of a life-force or spirit-to-live or sense of hope. Not humans in authority. The virus is doing it. The pandemic has ripped the Constitution and the United States into an overnight, never-ending clownhouse of lunatic officials, and despairing prisoners of lunatic-officials' entrance into the Second Dark Age of Western Civilization. A virus is doing it. Not other people.

And this is what we know for certain about covid-19.

Thank you.

--Dr. J.J. Solari
Flu Man Chew Specialists
Bikernet Medical Center

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Reader Comments

Another great piece! Pessimistic humor with a dose of sad truthfulness that we all currently live under . Always a pleasure to read Mr JJ's
Stories , thoughts , opinions .
Keep Riding , its one of the last avenues of freedom we have .
Merry Christmas

Ed Hardison
Corolla, NC
Thursday, December 24, 2020
Editor Response Thanks so much. You'll make J.J.'s day.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Well said.

Friday, December 18, 2020
Editor Response Who the hell knows what will happen next. Guaranteed, it will happen whether we like it or not...

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