DO THE DOO
I'll admit it, I've been writing
tech tips for three years and I'm running
thin on new interesting topics that aren't
too esoteric. In the attempt to elaborate tech
topics, I've even stretched my vocabulary
to include the mind numbing word
"circumlocution," Which, by the way, created
quite a debate among the staff at Bikernet,
who were insistent on switching my high
school vocabulary word to "jabbering".
Somehow I got my way, and they ran with my
original choice of wording. Proof that if you
stick to your guns, literary convictions, and
utilize your myriad of Scottsdale Public School
vocabulary words, you've got
word-power.
Raise your hand, if he's
fulla shit.--Bandit
So in this installment, I'm writing a tech
tip about properly folding doo-rags, so they
won't blow off your head at 80 mph.
Believe it or not, this is a safety concern. Have
you ever been riding next to a guy when all of a
sudden he starts to swerve, grabs for his
head with his left hand, and then
swoosh, his noggin is exposed, out in
the breeze? It's not a handsome site,
and can also be downright dangerous.
I've witnessed one of these
"free-breezers", screech to a halt, dead in the
middle of an interstate, and flip a U-turn in an
attempt to recover his five-dollar,
pre-fabricated hair holder. So in the truest
form of safety education, and cost
effectiveness, I'll enlighten you, through
the medium of text and photos, in a precise
technique, for folding a ninety-nine cent
bandana, into a safe piece of motorcycle
road-wear.
Step one:
Scrape up less than a dollar of change
out of your car's ashtray and buy a
regular-old square bandana. They're
readily available in a multitude of stores all
over the goddamn place, not just at your
corner motorcycle shop. The standard
bandana is a multi-use item, when not
secured to your head.
One standard size 100% Cotton bandana
will fit just about every size skull, sans
Herman Muenster. The one-size-fits-all store
bought pre-formed skullcap approach
isn't personal enough for me. I like the
custom aspect of tailoring the square swath of
fabric to my own liking, plus you won't get
caught wearing the same iron-cross flaming
doo-rag that 30 other dudes wore at the rally.
Step two:
Pick a corner and fold it over.
Here's the secret key of the experienced
doo-rag wearer; if you have a big head only
fold a small amount over. Don't fold it in
half or you won't have enough left on the
ends to tie it securely in the back. If you have a
tiny head, fold it in half. Medium size head,
somewhere about three-quarters of the
mid-line will get you in the zone. If you want to
look really cool, fold the one corner over that
has the label printed on it, then the unwanted
part of the design will be hidden under the fold
when it's installed properly.
Step three:
This is a one-man operation. No bones
about it. It just looks silly in public to have
another man tie your bandana, so practice this
move before you step into public. Your mama
stopped tying your shoes before you went to
kindergarten, so you shouldn't need your
wife or girlfriend to tie your bandana for the
road either.
Face into the wind, tip your head forward
and place the folded portion of the rag onto
your forehead. With the two outer tips in your
left and right hand, tuck the center top tip down
over your head with both hands while still
maintaining a grip on the corners. This takes
some practice, but it's an acquirable skill
that's worth its weight in gold. With less
than a dozen practice attempts in front of a
mirror, I promise, you'll have the skills
needed to perform this task blindfolded.
Step four:
This is the most critical step to
maintaining a firm rag-to-head fitment. Make
sure that the leading edge of your bandana is
low on your brow, not all high on your head
like Aunt Jemima. If you don't tie the
bandana low on your forehead it's surely
guaranteed to catch some wind and
you'll be out your 99 cents.
At this juncture, you should still have your
two hands holding the tips of the outside
corners, and the third corner is tucked
underneath the two ends as you tie a double
knot. The first knot needs to feel extra tight on
your head. By the time you get the second half
of the knot tied again it's going to be
looser.
Now you've got the inside doo-rag
tech. Whatever you do, don't go chasing
after it, if by chance, it does blow off. If
you're not secure in your tying skills,
bring a second bandana along in your back
pocket. You can buy at least 5 bandanas for
the price of one pre-made poser rag. So just
remember, practice makes perfect.
As you can tell, I've just about run dry
with new topics. Check out
http://www.musclebikes.com and go to the
tech-tips section to see the archived Rumble
Tech-Tips that range from batteries, tires,
ignitions, fuel, brakes ad-infinitum. If you can
help me out with some new topics for these
tips, please mail them to
john@surgicalsteeds.com. Who knows,
maybe you'll see your personal
motorcycle technical bewilderments become
crystal-clear in my next installment of Bikernet
Tech Tips.
Keep the rubber side down,
John at Steeds
http://www.musclebikes.com