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The Kamala Harris Feature

From the Dispelling Hurtful Rumors Dept.

By J.J. Solari with image from Sam Burns

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There is a preposterous rumor going around that Caite Upton, the girl who became inadvertently famous in a beauty contest long ago when she attempted to explain, on national TV, why American school children, in a test, could not find the USA on a globe.

She gave a convoluted, disconnected answer, no doubt due to nerves and the stress of the moment, which response became immediately the Number One Go-To item on the internet:—— caitlin upton you tube - - - as a result the rumor is now going around that she is writing all of Kamala Harris’s speeches.

This extremely mean rumor….. that she is now writing all of Kamala Harris’s speeches… simply not true. And the reason it’s not true is because it’s not justified. And it’s not possible.

It’s just not in the cards in any deck of cards on earth. Because Caitlin Upton’s response in this clip, compared to Kamala Harris’s routinely horrific gibberish responses to anything - Caitlin Upton’s critique of the American, government-operated school system is a monument to clarity, precision and insight compared to anything Kamala Harris might say at any time under any circumstances, drunk or sober, asleep or awake.

Caitlin Upton, in this clip, makes more sense regarding the state of geographical education in our schools than anything Kamala Harris has ever tried to make sense of in all her life, on any topic, under any circumstances.

If Caite Upton and Kamala Harris were to have, let us say, a debate, on, let us say, various ways to prepare eggs for breakfast, Caite Upton could launch into a rambling disjointed allegory comparing Wheat Thins to the migratory habits of Canada Geese….. and compared to what would be the goonfest litany overflow of imbecilic nonsense that Kamala Harris would be saying in response….

Caite Upton’s lecture would be an exercise in laser-like relevance, microscopic focus and extraordinary depth of reasoned articulate genius and exactitude with straight-to-topic pinpoint accuracy compared to Kamala Harris’s juggernaut of drawled-out and sing-song sleep-inducing repetition of her three-word vocabulary inventory, drawled and redrawled, with long pauses to give the listener time to absorb what she must be convinced is the depth and clarity and philosophical implications of her findings.

Caitlin’s words would be straight-line, dead-on-target revelations of truth and discovery compared to the Mobius Strip of desolate word-trails leading to nowhere coming from Harris’ relentlessly cackling jaws.

People would come-away from Caitlin’s dissertations filled with grandeur at the wonders of communication that are possible between humans while the words of Harris would have listeners walking into walls, into oncoming trucks and off of cliffs and plummeting in bewildered confusion to their deaths, grateful at never having to hear Kamala Harris ever again.

Even Greta Thunberg at her most volcanic, twisted-faced, outburst-festooned, high velocity, full-capacity-level of infuriated, accusatory, spittle-spraying wrath at people refusing to obey her…..she is a demure, well-thought-out, properly behaved and wondrous young lady of calm and good sense compared to Kamala Harris even trying to recite hickory dickory dock.

So, no: Caite Upton is not writing Kama Harris’s speeches. This suspicion and unfounded rumor drags Miss Upton down into a morass of undeserved, meaningless inconsequence that she is far far above.

Kamala Harris could not order a Big Mac and a Coke at MacDonalds without the entire staff of employees having to stop what they were doing and form a phalanx in front of Harris to check with each other if anyone could figure out what the hell Harris wanted to fucking eat.


I am sure Caitlin Upton can go to the MacDonalds counter, order her food, and go to a table, food in hand, with no one on the staff having ever become desolately bewildered if not depressed and suicidal in the process. So, let’s stop this rumor now. I’m not the kind of person who goes around saying this is hurtful, or that is hurtful: but THIS is clearly hurtful.

Miss Upton doesn’t deserve this.

--J.J. Solari

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