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Sturgis Delta Update

Panda-Created Bat Pandemic Death Contagion Causing Tree Ignition

by Randy Rhinestones of the Dissociated Press (transcribed by J.J. Solari), photos by Jack McIntyre

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All attendees of the annual Sturgis Rally have burst into flame and perished in shrieking hollering agony due to the Delta Dawn Variant of the Jerrycolona Virus that came from the Wu Tan Clan laboratory in the Testosterone Valley of China Smith via Dan Duryea.

Motorcycles went flying helter-skelter, spinning through the air and slamming into the clouds as the Corona viruses interacted with the carbon footprints being left on the ground creating a globally warmed mutated variant of the varianted doppleganged dissimilar new variable of the Panda-Created Bat Pandemic Death Contagion causing tree ignition explosions due to 90 degree air temperatures, destroying all the forests of the earth and in nearby towns.

Vast clouds of Covid dust filled the air causing mutated cases of new cases. Cases also were reported of other cases caused by caseness. Viruses enlarged to visible size and shaped like leopards were reported to be carrying children up into trees, setting them down onto branches and snarlingly eating them, many while still screaming for their parents, all of whom were already dead from the Corona Beer Variant Anomaly Case Count Variable Inversion Layer Ozone Depletion Icemelt.

Bodies now line the streets and some are falling from the skies. Black clouds of Corona Daytona Delta Dawn viruses are seen rising from the corpses and spreading across the hot planet and killing all but me and all others like me who duly report on such matters.

Bikinied and Daisy Duked women who were, prior to having been torn to shreds by Corona Leopards, sensually trying the elicit heterosexual responses from the males in violation of the Rainbow Protocols, could be seen expressing regret that they ignored the Stay Safe Mandates by
not wearing masks, helmets, and Delta-Defying suits of armor now being distributed by President Biden, Governor Newsom and Matt Damon, currently in the penalty box for saying a word currently on the Forbidden Vocabulary Data Sheet.

The very planet sprouted tubes of virology that rose up from the terrain and ascended into the clouds, the Earth itself now being transformed into a 24,000 mile in diameter Corona Melanoma Oo La Paloma Blanca Virus and now thus as a result posing a threat to the entire solar system thus requiring an end to
the space program until further notice.

All rockets are under lockdown safety mandates until further notice. Meanwhile all my efforts and all the efforts of my fellow saintly and filled-with-holiness journalists and reporters and sources and according-to's who tried vainly to encourage the ruffian hordes of uncaring disease-spreaders and highly immoral self-absorbed fun seekers concerned only with their own needs and not the needs of the planet or its inhabitants in obey the rules....were met with laughter and derision and comments ranging from "You gotta be kidding" to "Fuck you and the cunt-faced crossdresser who gave you birth and from whose cock you suckled until your Aids infected balls dissolved into syphillitic ass-nodes. Prick."

This was uttered a lot and with increasing ire depending on the degree of repetition. Overweight loud and boisterous flu dispensers called "bikers" jammed together shoulder to shoulder, drinking beer, slapping Daisy-Duked womens' asses in violation of the womens' fragile emotional nature not to mention the violation of their near-naked buttocks, and using vocabulary clearly forbidden by the Supreme Court, the Constitution, the UN Restriction Revisions and Assembly Bill 5520966470118359177 and generally not wearing masks.

While videoing one encounter I was subjected to the following litany of abuse by some grey-bearded tattooed very loud red-faced load of suet about the size of a Nazi shoreline concrete gun emplacement who, if I might quote, shouted while laughing at the same time "Listen you slimy little semen drinking eel, take your fucking stay safe protocols and your aids-infected tonsils out of the fucking way of my face or I'll take your covid-fearing transgendered gonads and spread them across an anvil. Yes, I'll wear gloves, and sledge hammer them into tapioca which I will
then feed to your boyfriend via a tube up his ass. Ok?"

This is what we're up against as soldiers of safety to a hurting planet. I agreed to his demands, incidentally. In case you were wondering. Clearly nothing is going to stop this annual assault upon the safety of humanity until the day motorcycles are declared enemies of the People.

Motorcycles seem to be the one unifying element of this horde of whatever they even are. Take those away you take away their vaulting selfish immoral need to imperil the empowerment of the We're All In This Together corralment of renegade individuality into compliant and environmentally-safe unity.

J.J. Solari

Join the Cantina for the fun of it.
Join the Cantina for the fun of it.

Watch for wild Jack Galleries coming soon to the Cantina.--Bandit

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