Disorder in the American Courts
August 28, 2005
From Scrapper
Lawyers
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Eve...
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HEADLINES OF 2004:
February 13, 2005
Skooter
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[...
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You Just Might NOT Be a Biker If…
January 02, 2005
Rogue
If your scooter has more miles rolling to the bike shop to get chrome than to the local tavern to get a beer, you just might NOT be a biker.
If you won't drink a beer unless it has a lime in it, you just might NOT be a biker.
If you think the term ?ol lady? refers to the 75 year old battle ax that lives two houses down, you just might NOT be a biker.
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WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN...
November 28, 2004
Buckshot
Dogs don't cry (unless they have to pee).
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick
drink.
Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs will forgive you for p...
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INTERESTING PONDERINGS
November 4, 2004
Bob T.
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
"Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me h...
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Tool Glossary
October 11, 2004
Rogue
ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: (Also known as one-size-fits-none wrench) Used to strip bolt heads. Also functions as impromptu hammer (see Hammer).
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object you are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the cont...
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91 Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women
April 19, 2004
Rogue
Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
Motorcycles' curves never sag.
Motorcycles last longer.
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Motorcycle at any time of the month.
Motorcycles don't have parents.
Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
You can share your Mot...
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Shortest Books Ever Written
December 23, 2003
Rev Carl
21. HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda
20. MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
19. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver
18. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Rich Gannon
17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
16. MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden
15. THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by ...
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