The best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity.

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

45 lbs.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

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How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

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Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your Mom.

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What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?

Say, "Nice Dick."

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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

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What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

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What's the Cuban National Anthem?

Row row row your boat.

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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?