A little motorcycle based humor to take your mind off the unfriendly riding conditions.

Your ride says a lot about you. Here (from an old Cycle World article by Peter Egan, slightly modified by other people) is a guide for selecting a ride consistent with your personality:

Ducati 916 SPS monoposto: My wife is having an affair with her tennis coach.

Honda St1100: I really do understand the stock market.

1967 Triumph T120 Bonneville: If I'd had this bike instead of a Cushman Eagle when I lived at the fraternity house in 1965, I might now be married to a former cheerleader named Veronica.

Harley-Davidson XR1000: All my left shoes are made of steel, and all my motorcycle boots have laces.

Yamaha TZ250: My other bike is a van.

Brough Superior SS100: My mother was an Episcopalian.

Moto Guzzi Eldorado: If I'd wanted a Harley, I'd have bought a Harley. But I didn't, and I didn't.

Honda GL1500 Gold Wing Aspencade: The wife and I both feel that donuts are an unfairly maligned and under-appreciated source of protein and minerals.

BMW R1100RT: The sound system on my bike is permanently tuned to Public Radio, but when I play it too loud I can't hear the cell phone.

Velocette Thruxton: I have a professional-quality dartboard in our basement rec room, next to the real ale tapper on the wet bar.

Yamaha V-Max: I am the only mechanical engineer in our office with a Mohawk.

Ural Tourist: My Yugo is waiting for parts.

India Enfield Bullet: My 1965 short-wheelbase Land Rover is waiting for parts.

Triumph Speed Triple: I'm not waiting for any parts. Ever again.

Honda Elite 80: My mom is knitting me a warmer scarf for going to class.

Vincent Series C Black Shadow: If you need to borrow any books or videos on the Battle of Britain, the life of Winston Churchill or Gordon's defense of Khartoum, I have an extensive library.

Honda CBX: I can pronounce both "Soichiro" and "Irimagiri" correctly. Also I own many valve shims.

Suzuki TL1000R/S:Desmo Shcmezmo: I just wanna ride.

MV Agusta 750S: Our firstborn son is the only Ago Schmiddlekopf in the Milwaukee phone book.

Kawasaki ZX-11: I am on my way to our insurance agent's office for a personal conference, during which I will explain everything.

Honda 400F: My husband thinks I believe he bought this bike just for me.

Suzuki GSX1300R Hayabusa: The Honda CBR1100XX was making me late for work.

Triumph Trophy TR6-C: I have seen the The Great Escape, starring Steve McQueen 27 times. And so have my two remaining friends.

Munch Mammoth: I have been fighting a lifelong, losing battle with the Dark Side.

Honda CBR600F2: My older brother is in the Air Force.

Pope 998 V-Twin: I am on my way to the annual stationary steam engine and vintage farm implement meet.

Norton 750 Atlas: I tried smooth and found it overrated.

Harley-Davidson WLA 45 Flathead: I am saving for a Stearman.

1942 BMW R75: I show the Luger collection only to a few close friends who know how to handle them without leaving acidic or salty fingerprints.

Honda Pacific Coast: I am among that very small minority of human beings who honestly don't care what anybody else thinks. If I did, I'd probably own a bike just like yours.

Harley FX Super Glide "Night Train": There are only six things in my refrigerator, and they are all beer.

Henderson Four: My grandson thinks these computers are quite the coming thing, apparently.

Yamaha R1: My hair is not actually on fire, it's just a figure of speech.

Maico 360 X4: since the bypass surgery, my dirt riding and energy level have improved tremendously.

Bimota DB3 Mantra: Ducatis are all very well, but I don't find them quite Italian enough.

Moto Guzzi Centauro: Sometimes I misspell the word "eccentric" on purpose, just to be different.

Whizzer/Schwinn Phantom:I still won my first baseball glove, Warren Spahn-autograph model.

Boss Hoss V8:I can curl more weight with one arm than you can move on a refrigerator dolly.

MV Agusta F4 Oro: My wife is spending exactly $37,000 on our kitchen, just as soon as she can find a contractor.

Honda Valkyrie: I tried vibration and lassitude and found them overrated.

Harley-Davidson 883 Sportster: I am on my way to the Harley shop to purchase a larger set of pistons.

Buell Thunderbolt: This big air-cleaner housing is coming right off, just as soon as I can get home to my toolbox.

Honda CL77 305 Scrambler: My high school letter jacket still fits. More or less.

HD Heritage Soft Tail: 'Thought I was too young for an Electra Glide, but now want one. Also applies to Road Kings.

Harley Davidson FXR & Ducati: More than likely a psycho female poser trying to fit in to a lifestyle that scares her.