Due to product liability litigation as a result from recent events that occurred during "Bike Week" in Daytona Beach FL, the American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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