If your scooter has more miles rolling to the bike shop to get chrome than to the local tavern to get a beer, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you won't drink a beer unless it has a lime in it, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you think the term “ol lady” refers to the 75 year old battle ax that lives two houses down, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you ever skipped a bike night because you didn't have time to clean the scooter, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you toss out a T-shirt because it got an oil or grease stain, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you get more excited watching your buddy flash his new chrome than his ol lady flashing her new tits, you just might NOT be a biker.

If the first anniversary of your new scooter comes before its 5000 mile service, you just might NOT be a biker.

If the bar you hang at serves drinks with umbrellas in them, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you ever told your ol lady to “go put a bra on” because her T-shirt showed too much nipple, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you and/or your ol lady walk around the bike show in chaps when it's 90 freaking degrees outside, you just might NOT be a biker. (unless the ol lady just has a thong on with her chaps of course)

If you get offended by the gals dirty dancing with each other on top of the picnic table you are grubbing at, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you have ever opted not to stop at a café or bar because there were scooters parked out front, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you ever left the scooter at home because it was too much of a pain in the ass to move the cage out of the way, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you would rather catch up on your reading than go for a putt, then you just might NOT be a biker.

If you always make sure the ride ends early enough so that you have time to “clean the Motorcycle,” then you just might NOT be a biker.

If you only attend bike rallies that have RV hookups, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you call the dealership to schedule your next oil change, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you have your Harley T-shirts dry cleaned, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you have ever chosen not to ride one day because it “might rain”, then you just might NOT be a biker.

If you missed the Sturgis rally because your trailer was still in custom paint, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you replace your scooter's rubber because of tire rot instead of tire wear, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you get a “temporary” tattoo at the bike show, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you have ever left a bar because of their poor wine selection, you just might NOT be a biker.

If your 2500 mile oil change only comes around every 6 months, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you don't have a tent and bed roll that straps on to your scooter, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you ever saw a broke down biker and chose not to stop and help because he (or she) looked “SCARY”, you just might NOT be a biker.

If you overhear a biker ask his bro how “Lizard” is and you think he is talking about his pet iguana, you might NOT be a biker.

If your still trying to figure out why I keep referring to scooters instead of motorcycles, you just might NOT be a biker.