I knew it! The sonuvabitch couldn't make it to the Badlands and back on that piece of shit. I knew it! The way Bandit mounted that tank was fucked from the beginning.

I told him. Nuutboy told him. Harold Pontarelli told him. Shit, his 78-year-old mother told him. Did the big bastard listen? Nooo. So it jumped off the frame in Aspen, Colo., and landed in his lap.

Yeah, they welded it up in Aspen with the help of Randy Aron from Cycle Visions in San Diego, and he limped into Sturgis, rode around the Badlands for the week and then the scoot was kidnapped from him by someone who knows what the fuck he's doing, namely Paul Yaffe from Paul Yaffe Originals in Phoenix.

Paul is working with Kyle of Independent Tanks, who hand makes steel tanks from heavy 16-gauge material. It's about time someone grabbed that bike before it exploded into flames and scorched the ornery sonuvabitch.

So we sent that fly-bitten claybrain to Phoenix for a welding lesson and instructions on how to properly mount a gas tank. If he wasn't such a hasty-witted old fool, he would have put the bike together right the first time.