Things were not going good for Earthquake Blake. First of all, she had missed out on a luxurious ride in a private jet to whatever paradise had awaited her. Then she was nearly hit by several tornados. Finding out that AJ rode an honest to god serious crotch rocket did not improve her mood one bit. Now she'd be stuck riding along with 2 rice burners, not just one. So there she was sitting in a diner on a cold, lonely piece of interstate. Outside the day was overcast and gray. The waitress had just brought the drinks. AJ had gulped his down and was now noisily crunching up the ice that remained in his glass. It was a gawd awful noise. After taking our order, the waitress asked if there was anything else she could get us.

"May ah have another cup 'o ice?" AJ sweetly asked.

"No!!!" Lorin and I both shouted at the same time as she snatched his cup away. We weren't sitting through that again. He innocently looked up at the server and sadly said, "Ah guess ah can't have another one." And with that we all broke out laughing and Lorin's mood began to improve.

Shortly after crossing the Florida state line, we carefully picked a motel that seemed to meet all of Lorin's requirements, the main one being the bikes had to be in close proximity and very visible from the motel room. Changing into jammies, Lorin and I were getting into bed, ready to shut off the light. Suddenly there was a knock on door.

"That must be the pizza!" AJ chirped as he jumped up and ran to open the door. Pizza? At midnight? Sure enough, it was Domino's. While we girls had been busy getting ready for bed, AJ had ordered 2 large pizzas and hot wings. We watched The Weather Channel and munched out. After AJ had completely annihilated one of the pies, he licked his fingers clean. Then he looked around and a very serious expression came over his face. He leaned over to our bed from his.

"I have a special talent that I only show folks once I get to know them real well," he whispered to us. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, " Well I guess I know ya'll well enough." And with that he flipped up on his back. He was wearing a pair of cotton shorts. He held a lighter near his butt and a foot long flame suddenly shot out. A look of repulsed horror came over Lorin's face, just before she burst into laughter. He amused us a little longer until the laughing disturbed our neighbors enough for them to bang angrily on the wall.

"Shut the fuck up in there!!!!!!!!" It was 2am and we had a 7am wake up call.

That morning we had out first breakdown of the trip. One of the fenders was coming off the trailer. AJ spotted it and after we pulled over, he ripped the fender the rest of the way off. He looked at our trailer, shaking his head and said, "It's a good thing we're almost there."

The next stop was Ft Myers. It was here that we realized we needed helmets. Living in Connecticut, neither of us had ever owned a helmet. We stopped at a bike shop and bought a couple. Lorin's had a DOT sticker on the back. Fine print under the DOT part read "Dorothy O'Toole". Her helmet looked great on her, but then of course everything did.

Murph ( not his real name), a friend who Lorin had met over telephone, had invited us to stay at his home. He had a very lovely large home in the historic section of Ft Myers. After an evening ride and dinner, we settled in for the night. The trouble started shortly after. He insisted that AJ sleep in a different room than us girls. As soon as the house was dark, we heard a soft rapping at our door. AJ stole into the room and giggled as he shut the door behind him. "Is this guy for real?" AJ echoed our own thoughts. "Ah think he was hoping for some blonde company in his room tonight." AJ winked and blew kisses at Lorin. She made a face, and then we all froze. We heard a noise! Was Murph up walking around trying to check on us? Were we five years old or what? Was he trying to show us the correct moral path? If so, he was just a little bit late.

Suddenly a flame shot out in the darkness, then another, and another. AJ's flaming farts had struck again! We tried to hold it in but soon Lorin and I were soon on the floor laughing so hard, I thought we might pee right there. Immediately a voice rang out!!

"What's going on in there?"

We looked at each other, frozen in position, eyes wide.

"It's an orgy!" AJ quietly hissed between his teeth. "We’re doing all kinds of crazy sex things and you're not invited wacko!" Unexpectedly, Lorin busted out laughing again.

"That guy's nuts about you," I whispered to her. "You go straighten it out. Give him a dose of those blue eyes."

"I ain't giving him squat." She gave me her best dirty look, got up, and slid out the door.

"Well I'm going to sleep," AJ said as he hopped up on one of the twin beds. In the morning we found Lorin on the couch. Murph had left for work.

"We aren't invited to spend another night," she sighed dejectedly. "In fact he wants us out of here as soon as possible." She folded her blanket and we packed up. We found a nice little motel on the beach and moved our party seaside. The day was sunny and warm. Not too hot, perfect Florida weather. We lazed on the palm tree lined beach and rode a bit.

Lorin could not walk 2 ft without meeting a guy. So while walking out to our bikes that evening we came across 2 guys who were checking them out. Lorin had only one question.

"Do you guys know where any good biker bars are?" The best looking one said he knew a few and he'd be only too happy to show us. He hopped on the back of Lorin's bike but we had no extra helmet. We weren't going too far, so we chanced it and took off. After going about 100 ft and the flashing lights came up behind us. The lady officer gave us break seeing as how we were from out of state and quite ignorant of Florida helmet laws.. We asked the officer, "Where are all the wild biker bars?" She told us about a bar called 'Mike's Place'.

"I hate it when we get called to that place. I don't even feel safe in there." She warned. "Don't go there!"

"Sounds like our kind a place!" And we took off for it. Yeah it was a biker bar all right. They’re about ten BICYCLES parked outside. But we were dry as dirt so we went in anyway. It was dark and pretty quiet. I found a pay phone and called a bike painter I knew in town. I had tried to call him earlier but got no answer. I left another message. AJ had found a pretty girl to flirt with and Lorin had her eye on a guy across the bar. He looked kinda like Tom Cruise in the bar's low light. He flashed a brilliant smile at her and she slithered over to him. He was dressed pretty dramatically, flowing half open shirt, black paints tucked into black boots. He said he was a modern day pirate. He said he wasn't carrying his sword tonight. Uh-huh! His boat was docked in the little cove near the bar and he invited Lorin to check it out.

The night wore on as AJ wore down all the women. None were buying his lines. I tried calling Mike again and this time he was home. AJ was ready to leave but I figured Lorin would be sailing off tonight. To my surprise, she declined the (very handsome) pirate's offer. As she unlocked her bike and fastened on her helmet, she told me why. "I didn't want to ruin the fantasy. If I had gone, and things weren't what I expected them to be, it would have sucked. I'd rather have the fantasy to savor." The pirate walked off into the night, casting one last longing glance back at the blonde woman on the glittering sportster.

Somehow, after all those drinks and at the "early" hour of 1 am, we found Mike ( no relation to the 'evil' biker bar), the painter's house. Mike had a bike paint shop in FT Myer's. He also had a nasty scar on his leg from where he's been t-boned several years earlier. He and his friends were nice as all hell and from then on, things got hazy. Outside the sky grew light. We finally found ourselves riding back to the motel, the morning air washing off the brain fog of an all-nighter. We wanted to be in Pompano Beach that night. It was a question of staying up and driving all day or catching a few hours of sleep first. AJ and Lorin voted for sleep. The motel manager was female and AJ was sent to sweet talk a few hours onto our check out time. By 2pm we were tearing across Alligator Alley towards the final destination of our trip.

Next Week- Bloody crotch rockets, big bags of 'grass clippings', and South Florida style decadence.

Back to Part 2....