It was raining like a bitch when I pulled the ole 50 panhead outta the garage Saturday morning heading north to the Laconia N.H. rally. My old lady was secretly smiling to herself. She had to drive the pick up to haul my new Road Apple bagger along. She was gonna be warm and dry. I was gonna ride that pan even if the lightning that was flashing around us struck me in the ass. " You stupid bastard! You won't make it on that old thing." I shot her the same look she gives me when I get back from the road with all them pictures of me with young hardbellies flashing their rubber boobs. She quickly got the message and clamed up. Of course, it goes without saying that it rained buckets all across the Mass Pike till I hit 495 heading north. Then wonders of wonders, the sun broke through and I knew it was gonna be a good trip.

I was staying with a friend that I had met at Sturgis a few years back. Big Paulie is one of the biggest, badest tattoo artists you ever wanna meet. 6ft 4 with a ZZ Top style beard that goes half way down his chest and covered with tats. But while most folks shudder and run for cover when he walks into a bar room, those of us that know him know he has the soul of an artist and the gentleness of a newborn kitten- just don't piss him off. Horse illustrator Von Smink was also gonna be staying at Paulies and we hit it off right away. He works in the same shop in Salem N.H. that Big Paulie inks at occasionally. We were also gonna hook up with Crazy Horse and see what kind of mischief we could get ourselves into.

We unloaded our gear and decided to go down and hit the strip to check out the action. There had been all kinds of rumors floating around fed by the media about the carnage that was likely to go down. The Gov. had alerted the N.H. National Guard to be ready to squash trouble and the local cops were out in force. We hit the Weirs just after sundown. Maybe it was due to the hype or maybe the weeklong forecast for rain, but the crowd seemed thin. We didn't get the usual 5-mile traffic jam and found 3 parking spots right next to each other. We prowled around the strip while the women did the usual shopping bit.

After a while we were getting thirsty and ran down to see Jay at the Broken Spoke Saloon. Jay remembered Paulie and me from Sturgis and welcomed us with open arms. "Anything you guys need, you just let me know and it's yours." Jay owns the Spoke in Laconia, Daytona and Sturgis and is the undisputed Party King of all three major events. If you don't have a good time at the Broken Spoke, believe me, you won't have a good time anyplace.

The next morning Paulie took us on a guided tour of all the back roads in the area. It's great to have a local who knows the spots that the R.U.B.'s don't have the smarts to find out about. Zipping around the traffic and roadblocks saves your clutch hand quite a bit. After about 8 hours of ridge runnin, we headed back to party central at Paulies house. When we pulled down the driveway, there were 8 bikes already there and the party was in full swing. After a loooong night of drunken revelry, I finally hit the rack at 7 am. Paulie woke my ass up at 10 and said " Hey Bear, you can sleep when your dead! Daylight's burnin, Let's roll."

Monday was tattoo day. Jon Towle of Bikernet and Horse fame had done a drawing of a peg legged pirate Teddy Bear for me and I wanted Paulie to ink it on my arm. I also had a group of lovelies from home that were up and they also wanted to get tattooed. 4 1/2 hours later the ink was set and I chased all the stray husbands and boyfriends away so the girls would feel less inhibited. Now here I am, Paulie pumping ink and me riding shotgun over six honeys swilling tequila without their old men hangin around....OK, so I'm a dog, what else is new? That marathon lasted till 2 am and the ladies thought it would be better to stay over than try to ride back in the condition they were in. We thought so too...he he

Wednesday, I had to run up to Gunstock to shoot the hill climbs. It was a total wash out of a day. Sheets of rain coming at you sideways. I flashed my Horse Press Pass and proceeded to scramble up the muddy hill away from all the spectators. Sitting hillside I was able to get some good shots of the mudsling contest. Now I'm used to rollin in the mud and I'm no stranger to getting soakin wet, but having that heavy clay mud being shot in yer face off the rear wheel of big bored HD hill climber was an experience I could live without. But at the Horse, ours is not to reason why, ours is to get the shots or die. After the climbs, I headed back to clean up a bit and get into some dry jeans. We planned on meeting up with Crazy Horse but upon returning to our digs, the party was once again in full swing and turned into yet another Tequila Sunrise.

We finally ran into Crazy Horse on Thursday. It seems that her runnin buddy Angie had once again fallen in love and was busy playing stinky fingers with her new par amour. We told CH that we were heading over to the Road Hog Saloon to catch the Marshal Tucker Band and to hook up with us there later if she wanted. When the 8 of us rode up at 9:30, there was a long line of fans waiting to pay their $10 to get in.

We strolled up to the gate; the security guys recognized me and we all waltzed right in. It turned out to be Tony Heatherly's (Tucker's bass player) 53rd birthday that night. After a kick ass show by Tucker, playing all their old standards and leaving the crowd most satisfied, we were invited to hang around after closing for Tony's birthday bash. Tony and Chris Hicks (guitar) grabbed me and insisted on my having a few shots of joy juice with them. My posse was impressed with them. Ya see, we usually have to deal with the "Rock Star" mentality but these dude were just Good Ole Southern Boys and don't have a pretentious bone in their bodies. After quite a few drinks and pictures with the band and promising that we would indeed hook up with them again at Sturgis this August, the sun was already up and we were ready to hit the road. Runnin down the road at 7am, we made the mistake of blowing by an unmarked cop mobile. The bubble gum machine in the front window went off and we pulled over. Two rather large and well-armed Sheriff's deputies unfolded outta their car and came over to us. "Where you boy's off to in such a hurry this early" they asked. I gracefully lied and told them we were off on a photo assignment for the magazine and we woke up late and were trying to get to the Attorney Generals office in the Capitol for an interview. After showing them about 10 different press credentials, they bought the story and sent us on our merry way.

Thursday night we ended up back at the Spoke. Jay was hosting the Miss Coors Light beauty contest and asked me if I would get up on stage and present the prize to the winning lovely. When he introduced me as Teddy Bear from the Horse Magazine, the audience went wild. I had arranged a little surprise for Jay and the crowd. I had gotten Big Paulie talked into putting on a bikini and hiding off stage. I took over the mic and proceeded to congratulate the winner and began to introduce last years Miss Coors winner who would turn over her crown to the new winner. When Paulie sauntered out, all 6'3" of his big tattooed hairy self in that skimpy swimsuit, the crowd went absolutely berserk!!! Jay laughed his ass off and told us when we get to Sturgis he wants us to do it again. " Sure thing Jay" I said, "as long as you're buying the beer, no problem."

Friday we hit the strip again, bumping into old friends and making new ones. The festivities were now in full swing and the Weirs was back to its usual zoo atmosphere. While some may have stayed away due to the weather or possibly for fear of violence, those that showed up were for the most part, there to have a good time and see friends and party. I personally saw no evidence of high douchbaggery by either biker or lawman. Which goes to prove you can't always believe what you read in the newspapers but you can truly believe what you read here on Bikernet.com.

Saturday morning the weather channel was calling for rain all weekend, the party animals we were hanging with were burning out fast so we decided it would be a good time to put it in the wind. I wanted to get back home and start writing about all the shit we did before I forgot most of it. I bid Von Smink and Paulie a fond fare the well with hugs and kisses all around, loaded the bagger back on the truck, fired up the pan and rode the 275 miles in the rain again back to my cave in upstate NY. If you were able to have made the scene, I know you had a good time, and if you didn't... well Sturgis is coming up soon and you can bet yer ass that Teddy Bear and Co. will be there to bring you all the gory details.

Ride safe, but ride!!!!

Teddy Bear