I was waiting for Bandit's take on the Hawaii trip to go ahead and do my side of the story, but then again, the old man was taking his sweet dear time, and that's one thing I don't have much of. So here we go.... Just a little story from the dark side....

While Bandit and his harem were sunning their asses wearing tiny g-string bikinis, (just the mental image of Bandit on a g-string ruins the whole story), in a posh mansion on the North Shore, us peons had to beg our way around town. In this case, town is called Honolulu and on a 4th of July weekend, it was packed to the gills. I mean who's going to bitch when your hotel room is looking straight into Waikiki beach with three surf spots near by, and all the cuties in shorts and bras are prancing around having a merry joy time? Yeah, I know, how the fuck did I get into that mess, but wait, there's always a beginning and an end, so let's start...

The first Hawaii Choppers Only show was taking place July 6th at the Hard Rock Café in Waikiki. It's good to know people that know people that know people. Before I knew it, I was already hooked up for the trip and the schedule done. I was going to take a short break and a well-deserved vacation (after all the hard work at The Smoke Out 4), nonetheless, to Oahu and to check the scene out and spread The Horse gospel on those " forgotten" islands. After a big mess, time fuck ups, and the normal too much shit on my head, to know what the hell is going on, I managed to hop on the plane and after a lifetime, arrive to the shores of the formerly known as "Sandwich Islands".

The moment my plane landed, I was received with a smile. Too bad it was a big ass Samoan gay guy (just kiddin). My friend Ole Pan picked me up and took me straight to Waikiki, which was home for the next 7 days. But not before briefly seeing Bandit and his entourage as he was scooped into a caravan of limos on the way to Haleiwa. I had slept most of the flight, thanks to my friends in Chicago who had a little hanging out prepared during my layover (if you want to know how to do all of Chicago in less than eight hours let me know), so I was ready for some mayhem. The cool thing about town is that it's prepared to cater the tourists. Everything is very conveniently located and accessible by walking. Surfing, shopping, eating, even the strip joints are near, (and we know about them, yes sir!)

I received my orders from the command post in the North Shore and went looking for a surfboard. Hard Rock cafe at 6:00 PM, be there! I had to walk or cab over, no limos for this one, not even a stinkin' moped. I was ready to moped jack a Japanese tourist. So poor ol' me had to get to Hard Rock Cafe, the place that the event was happening and meet everyone. I took a cab since no tourists on mopeds would even come close.

As soon as I got there, I started meeting all the guys that had something to do with this event. They were really looking at me kind of funny, I told them I was Billy Lane but that did not work. I told them I was Bandit, but that didn't work either. I even used Jesse's name to no avail. Shit, these guys had their eyes glued to Discovery channel, what the fuck did I know! I had to go and pick one of the event posters and point towards my name. They were still kinda dubious after my first row of lies..... I think those guys were pretty good at sifting thru the bullshit, just as you are doing now.

I got to meet all the organizers and sponsors, even got to meet my friend Jay, who was my best friend, since he had a truck full of surfboards. They were talking about what was going to happen, and I had direct orders from Bandit to write it all down. I could not get my eyes, nor attention away from all the cuties walking around, plus my mind was set on scamming one of those boards from Jay's truck, no matter what. When the day was over (mind you this is only the first afternoon so bear with me), I was back in my room with a board (Thanks to Local Motion) and checking the really tight asses prancing down Kalakaua. It had been 14 years since I lived there, and it was the same, only, me a lot younger.

First thing I did when I got up at 7:00 am was hit the water. Yes a miracle I was up that early! But considering the time change it was about 1:00 pm in Puerto Rico so I was right on schedule. The second thing I did was turn off the phone, fuck it. I was going to de-rust with some waves and everything else could wait. After a couple hours (when I could not move my arms anymore), I went back up to my room. The damn light was blinking on the phone telling me I had stuff to do! While Bandit was prancing like a peacock on a Viper, my designated tour guide, Dan, picked me up in a beat up, rusty old Yugo. I was supposed to visit as many shops as possible and maybe crawl my way to Jay's shaping room and steal another board, (since Jamie at Local Motion caught me and I had to return the first one).

It was to be a full day. We went all over the island and even checked the spot of the 4th of July party in Kailua (thanks guys had a great time), so I could drive the rest of the invitees later on. At the end of the day I ended up scamming another board and getting pulled over by the friendly police, but managed to attend the "RSVP" only dinner with Bandit and the organizers. At least they did not make me sit at the kiddy table and allowed me to speak from time to time.