WOW! Sturgis 2008 is officially in the books and I have run the gamut of emotions throughout. The 2008 Bikernet Brouhaha was a fantastic success…. and I missed it. I know, I know, I am an idiot, but this years’ run to the hills was a different situation than I had experienced in years past. 2005 was a year to run with Bandit and have the adventure of a lifetime. I was a virgin exploring the Black Hills for the first time aboard my rattle can black 2003 Fatboy with 16 inch apes. I thought I was an outlaw.

The second year, 2006, I decided to do Sturgis on a whim of last minute decisions that culminated into an unforgettable adventure worthy of a novel. For that trip I traveled to the Mecca aboard my 2005 Springer Classic. A stock bike worthy of acclaim for its functionality and beauty, but unfortunately designed for someone closer to their 60s rather than my early 30s. I knew the second I returned home from that adventure, a major overhaul was in order.

2007 was an odd year for me. I was killing myself trying to get the bike built for my brother with the plan to deliver it at Sturgis. Unfortunately, he took the large green one up the whazoo, so his exit date was moved to October, so Biketoberfest was now set to replace the Black Hills Rally for a delivery of his new scoot. I was bummed, but there was shit to do. so I didn’t have time to sulk, reminding me of the poem my grandfather used to spout all the time:

“Here I sit all broken-hearted, tried to shit, but only farted.”

So, here it is 2008 and mid June was upon me. My family and I had gotten involved with Taekwondo last year, so all of my vacation seemed to stem around traveling to competitions. While I understand the kids are only young once and that we are building upon their delicate childhood memories, I still wanted to ride through the Badlands, envisioning cowboys and Indians fighting through the buffalo herds all over a cold beer at One Eyed Jack’s. Call me crazy, but it’s the simpler things in life, ya know?

I knew I needed a road trip. I called my buddy Mike who rode a 2005 Electra Glide the last few years before changing over to a 1975 rigid bobber. I told him I was thinking about Sturgis and he replied with quintessential Mike form, “When do we leave?”

So the event was set, we made our plans, and the wives were pissed, but what else is new? While at TKD practice, I mentioned to one of the guys that we would be making the run to Sturgis. He got a sparkle in his eye that only the experienced road wanderer would recognize and I knew he was on board. So over the next few weeks we planned our trip.

With the state of the economy, I have been reading about a new yuppie phenomena called staycation. I think Chris even mentioned how ridiculous this was in Cycle Source. Anyways, staycation is fucking ridiculous, so I am done with that, but I had an inspiration….I kept track of how much I spent going to Sturgis. Just to prove to all the fucksticks and pannywastes out there, I rode to and from Sturgis, 3150 miles, and spent $379.12 on gas AND food. It would have been $25 cheaper, but I had to pitch in for a hotel one night when our tag-a-long needed to wash his vagina. Needless to say, we quickly found out my TKD buddy squats when he pees.

So we left for Sturgis on Monday, August 4th, at 11 a.m. Houston, Texas was in the high 90s with 100% humidity, as usual. I am riding my modified 95” Springer Classic, Bryan is riding a stock Super Glide (with a windshield), and Mike is on his rigid. Here is our adventure, with all the mundane endless miles taken away. Enjoy our tale of travel as we traversed halfway across America aboard bikes with one thing in mind…to relax.

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